It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
