I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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