You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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