Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
