My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
