I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
