is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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