I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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