I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
