good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
