I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
