so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
