My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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