That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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