Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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