i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
