please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
