I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
