playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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