so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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