It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
