very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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