it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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