Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
