im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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