I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
