How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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