I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
