u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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