I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
