his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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