just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's blow job season.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
