Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
