Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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