Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
