Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
