I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
