What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
