Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
