textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
