I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
