Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize