Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
