??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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