im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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