My sheets look like a crime scene.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
bring money and cleavage
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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