The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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