i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
