you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
