You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
