Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
