doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize