Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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