Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
