i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
