please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
