I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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