it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
