normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
