if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
