She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
