He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
