If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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