he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
