When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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