i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
