She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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