And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
