hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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