he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
