i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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