Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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