I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
