I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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