he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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