Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
