When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
