The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
