Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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