I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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