we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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