Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
