Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
