lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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