Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We need to rekindle our bromance
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
