Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just had sex bonerless
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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