"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The maid of honor just puked.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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