Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
