she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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