So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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