He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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