We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize